Davetard Returns!
Like a time-traveller visiting from the future to help humanity avert self-destruction, or a vampire of ancient and rare distinction recently awakened from centuries of slumber... Davetard has returned from the darkness of oblivion to impart his literary frivolities upon the world once again. Clinical studies have confirmed what Davetard already knew. When people read Davetard's thoughts, the specifically engineered firing of synapses crafted by Davetard's trademarked thought processes cause scientifically proven bio-chemical reactions in humans, making those who read and comprehend his words smarter and sexier.
If you wish to contact Davetard, simply close your eyes in a quiet dark room with "Call Me Maybe" by Carly Rae Jepsen playing on a low volume in the background. Then concentrate with your third eye on travelling to the inter-dimensional thought hub of Zenube where a naked omni-sexual angelic being named Karen is holding my messages at the front desk.
If your astral-projecting skills are a little rusty, I will grudgingly lower myself to your archaic human communication mediums and "check my email."
Davetard's Thought of the Week
The Secret World of Making Ice Cubes -- March 30, 2019
Anyone who has a fridge/freezer without an ice maker knows the secret world of making ice cubes. When you open up the freezer door into a Narnia-like world where you live a life of cold and harsh supplication to an evil Ice Queen. It's like a never ending assembly line, that you are only allowed to place on pause at night to sleep or go to work.
First you must empty the cubes out of the tray and into the tub. But they will NEVER all come out. You bang. You twist. But to no avail. They will not budge. So, you run warm water over them or you leave them out on the counter for "five minutes" but then start watching Game of Thrones and forget about them. Completely melted. The Ice Queen laughs at your toiling and struggles. Yet she demands satisfaction. So the arduous task of your never ending journey starts once more.
You refill the trays with water again (spoken with a nondescript, english-like accent, in the style of Angelina Jolie. No matter how slow and delicate and deliberate, you spill water everywhere on the counter, on the floor, on the inside of the freezer. Crying and trembling you toil under the close watch of the Ice Queen, as she points her ice queen big stick thing at you and laughs at your pain. You vow that if you ever have the means you will defeat her and have your revenge and buy a fridge that has an ice maker. But this is no fairy tale world where good triumphs over evil. This is real life. And you must make the ice cubes again.
Davetard's Thought of the Week Archive!
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"When I found the teachings of Davetard a couple years ago, I was less than a gnat in the emotional and intellectual food-chain of existence among all conscious and semi-conscious beings in the Galaxy. With the continuous study of the saint-like musings of Davetard, I am now somewhere between an earthworm and a sea cucumber." -- George W Bush, Dallas TX